I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
