Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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