Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
