I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
