I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
