just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
