OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize