I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
It's blow job season.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
