Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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