It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
