Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
