you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
