I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
