Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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