So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
