Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Did you just see the Batmobile???
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
