I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize