TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
