just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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