Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
do herpes really smell.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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