I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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