I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
