Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
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