her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize