He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
