I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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