the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
