I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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