You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
