dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
