like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
the night ended with taco bell and tears
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I need moral support for this bender
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
