VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
