New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize