I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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