Me. At least after what I've been through.
it hurts more in the daytime
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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