Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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