So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
