allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
