I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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