Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
