TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
