Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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