Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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