they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
