you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
