Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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