ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
