I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
