I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
