Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
