Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
