its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
