I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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