dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
