At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
