Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
operation harelip BJ is a go
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
