I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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