I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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