I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
