enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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