question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
