I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
