the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Randomize
