The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
