I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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