i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
