I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
