apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
