i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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