Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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