god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Randomize
