Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
