She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
