; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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